Love them or hate them, Hollywood romantic comedies have a proven entertainment formula of two people having an interesting meet-cue, falling in love soon after, and then moving in together or into a lavish wedding scene before the movie ends. It all seems to happen so fast.
In real life, we would never meet a potential marriage partner and during the first month, let alone on the first date, sit down for a drink, outline all the pro’s and con’s of what we could bring to the relationship, state the mission for our lives and then after a few hours pop the question and expect uncontested loyalty and commitment. That would be ludicrous right?
So why do bosses and leaders in business expect an engagement or commitment from staff without first courting them? The solution, while a simple fix, will require intentionality and self awareness.
In the non-movie reality, the process from first meeting the love of your life to the point of ‘I do’ takes time and a mutual investment of energy. Before we become engaged to marry, we build rapport, nurture affection and grow in understanding. At the core of this, what is really growing is trust. Trust comes before engagement, be it in your love life, or in business relationships.
Within 3 weeks of arriving at the Australian Defence Force Academy for our military training as young recruits, we were introduced to this idea, vital for our success. Trust is paramount, in order to expect the most from the men and women who serve with us and under us. The gruelling training we undertook, designed to break us and rebuild us as unified team of military combatants and leaders, was all geared to show us that being personally worthy of trust and willing to trust the others was essential to our strength and survival as a unit.
In my post-military experience in corporate and business contexts, I witnessed this same principle apply in new and different settings. I observed that until trust is built, trying to force staff engagement through off-site days, team building exercises and other similar activities was futile. It was the behaviour and work ethic of leaders and the example this created in the organisation in day to day interactions and operations that lead to or stifled trust and the resulting staff engagement or lack thereof.
The adage ‘people leave bosses not organisations’ is understood and heeded by effective leaders. How you behave to build trust, and ultimately seek engagement from your team, will either reward you with a trustworthy team or continue a revolving door of recruitment.
When working with corporate teams, I expound this military proven methodology of building engagement through trust with my easy to remember ‘3 C’s of Trust’. They are as follows.
Competency. Do your staff or co-workers believe that you can do your job? However it is defined? Your competency level displayed in your particular role must be of a standard that will garner respect and encourage trust from your fellow workers. Many of us have worked with people we don’t personally like, but if pushed to evaluate, we would have to admit that they are good at their job. While we may not like them, there is a level of trust we hold in them for the work they can produce.
Congruency. Do your staff or co-workers believe you say what you mean and mean what you say? Do they trust you to follow through? Are you consistent? This is a simple case of actions always speaking louder than words.
Being congruent within the work environment means to carry out what you commit to, even in the minor details. There are people who cannot be trusted with a project, unable to finish on time. Or can not be trusted to say the correct thing to clients. Or worse, cannot be trusted to be emotionally stable, if there is the possibility that they could become irate or erratic. This inconsistency diminishes trust.
Congruency can be viewed and judged, built or destroyed by words, actions, and emotions. If a co-worker or employee is extremely competent in their role (possess the skills and experience) and can show empathy towards others (see compassion below), but fails to complete a task they said they would, they will undermine the trust shown in them by their lack of congruency.
Compassion. Do your staff or co-workers think that you believe in them and care about them and their future? A team member or co-worker being extremely good at their job does not necessarily draw needed trust from co-workers, if this same person lacks compassion in dealing with their team members.
Compassion can be seen in different forms. Empathy for each others’ roles and responsibilities. Submission to authority external to your unit. Learning and understanding what encourages or discourages team members and subordinates. Discovering how individual team members like to be praised and supported.
A well-supported team member or co-worker tends to feel better about their environment, often characterised by increased productivity and increased trust in co-workers and bosses, which leads to greater loyalty and continued engagement.
So, focus on working with Competency, Congruency and Compassion in your role as a leader, or with your co-workers. As easy as reciting your A, B, C’s, remember these as your C, C, C’s of trust to foster engagement with those key people you really want to ‘stay married to’.
Daniel Cooney is the Amazon best selling author of ‘Decision Making - Military Tactics To Master Situational Awareness & Leadership’. He teaches Leadership and Management principles garnered from his military aviation and corporate careers, to leaders, businesses and corporates. Visit www.danielcooney.co.uk for more.
